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Mean Mommy

August 14, 2009

I’m a mean mommy.  Yes I am.  Consider the following evidentiary facts:

  1. I limit my children’s computer time.
  2. I limit my children’s TV time.
  3. I force my children to take showers on a regular basis.  Furthermore, I “strongly encourage” them to actually use the soap and shampoo provided.
  4. I do not provide Lunchables for my children’s school lunches, nor do I pay for them to buy a hot lunch more than once per week.
  5. I do not allow my children to eat Kraft Macaroni & Cheese every day for lunch during summer vacation (even though I love it, too).
  6. Warning: this one is especially heinous I force my children to brush their teeth twice a day, enforcing said rule through subterfuge and manipulation (i.e. I surreptitiously confirm that the toothbrush is actually wet and their breath is truly minty post “Yes I did!” claim, and send them back to do it all over again if the above criteria are not met).
  7. I refuse to purchase every single item my children lay eyes on at the grocery store, the toy store, the bookstore (if I do have a weak moment, it’s usually here) the arts and crafts store, the automotive supply store (where I actually – naively – thought I was safe) and even…well, perhaps especially…highway rest stops.
  8. I do not allow my children to eat candy all day long, nor do I serve ice cream every night after dinner (again, at great personal sacrifice.  Ben and Jerry, I can’t quit you!)
  9. I actually kept my children in their car booster seats until they reached the maximum recommended height/weight.
  10. My children (10 and 12) do not have cell phones.
  11. My children are forced, on a daily basis, to suffer the indignity of being transported in an 11-year-old vehicle with no DVD player.  Furthermore, their friends are painfully aware of the cringe-inducing state of our family wheels and as a result, “No one ever wants to ride with us!” *

So yes, clearly I am a mean mother.  In fact, I have been accused of being  “the meanest mother in the world!” numerous times, something which I assure you I don’t take lightly.  (It’s a good thing I didn’t give birth to Saddam Hussein, or I may very well have been known as “The Mother of All Mean Mothers”.)

But you know what?  I have to admit I take a certain amount of grim pleasure in the title.  Just wait for the teen years.  Mean Mommy?  They ain’t seen nothing yet.

* This situation was recently rectified to my children’s great relief.  However it’s a Pyrrhic victory as I have managed to ruin the effect by imposing a “no use while just tooling around town” rule along with severe restrictions on road trip usage:  they may watch one video of their choosing after watching an educational video (Bill Nye the Science Guy rocks, thank goodness!!) and their total time is limited to 1/3 of the time spent on the road.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 18, 2009 3:01 am

    Wow, we have the exact same rules. The only difference is that my children are 5 and 6.5. But other than that it is exactly the same at our house. I’m also the “Meanest Mother in the World” which means that one of us is NOT the MEANEST mother in the world. 🙂 Also, mine aren’t even close to the 100 lb limit on their carseats so we have a LONG way to go on that particular issue. 🙂

  2. Bobby Israel permalink
    August 24, 2009 11:35 pm

    It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you’re young just so you’ll have the strength to break them when you’re old.
    This advice was given by Mark Twain.
    My Mom paraphrased this wordier version by saying “Do what your told”

  3. Janet McAuliffe permalink
    September 27, 2009 11:45 am

    I’ve caved on every single thing on the list (could never figure out the exact guidelines on the carseat thing, wording was ambiguous, confusing and contradictory – ‘what? a law written by our esteemed legislators that is difficult and tricky at best to follow to the letter?, never!!’) and STILL got labeled a mean mom. Go figure. 0.0


  1. Super Terrific Happy Hour « Savvymomsafekids
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