Mean Mommy

I’m a mean mommy.  Yes I am.  Consider the following evidentiary facts:

1. I limit my children’s computer time.
2. I limit my children’s TV time.
3. I force my children to take showers on a regular basis.  Furthermore, I “strongly encourage” them to actually use the soap and shampoo provided.
4. I do not provide Lunchables for my children’s school lunches, nor do I pay for them to buy a hot lunch more than once per week.
5. I do not allow my children to eat Kraft Macaroni & Cheese every day for lunch during summer vacation (even though I love it, too).
6. Warning: this one is especially heinous I force my children to brush their teeth twice a day, enforcing said rule through subterfuge and manipulation (i.e. I surreptitiously confirm that the toothbrush is actually wet and their breath is truly minty post “Yes I did!” claim, and send them back to do it all over again if the above criteria are not met).
7. I refuse to purchase every single item my children lay eyes on at the grocery store, the toy store, the bookstore (if I do have a weak moment, it’s usually here) the arts and crafts store, the automotive supply store (where I actually – naively – thought I was safe) and even…well, perhaps especially…highway rest stops.
8. I do not allow my children to eat candy all day long, nor do I serve ice cream every night after dinner (again, at great personal sacrifice.  Ben and Jerry, I can’t quit you!)
9. I actually kept my children in their car booster seats until they reached the maximum recommended height/weight.
10. My children (10 and 12) do not have cell phones.
11. My children are forced, on a daily basis, to suffer the indignity of being transported in an 11-year-old vehicle with no DVD player.  Furthermore, their friends are painfully aware of the cringe-inducing state of our family wheels and as a result, “No one ever wants to ride with us!” *

So yes, clearly I am a mean mother.  In fact, I have been accused of being  “the meanest mother in the world!” numerous times, something which I assure you I don’t take lightly.  (It’s a good thing I didn’t give birth to Saddam Hussein, or I may very well have been known as “The Mother of All Mean Mothers”.)

But you know what?  I have to admit I take a certain amount of grim pleasure in the title.  Just wait for the teen years.  Mean Mommy?  They ain’t seen nothing yet.

* This situation was recently rectified to my children’s great relief.  However it’s a Pyrrhic victory as I have managed to ruin the effect by imposing a “no use while just tooling around town” rule along with severe restrictions on road trip usage:  they may watch one video of their choosing after watching an educational video (Bill Nye the Science Guy rocks, thank goodness!!) and their total time is limited to 1/3 of the time spent on the road.

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